What the hell is wrong with you people?

How many times have you struggled with your blanket on the couch, or haven't been able to find anything in your oversized, overstuffed purse? Maybe you have too many wine stains in your white shag carpet. Or you watch TV loud enough to disturb your spouse.

Then you need any easy answer from an informercial!

The informercial is having a sort of renaissance with the massive hit "The Snuggie" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xZp-GLMMJ0). This is the blanket alternative for retards who can't use a blanket. What the hell is wrong with you Snuggie-ites?! You're paying $19.99 for a backwards housecoat! But the most loathesome part is the woman struggling under her blanket. It's a blanket, lady -- not Spiderman's webbing. Why fight it like it's made of lead covered in mercury sprinkled with SARs?

Then there are the clips of the folks wrapped happily (wrappily?) in their Snuggies. The family kills me, because it further takes me away from the reality of how amazing the backwards housecoat is and how it brings people together (like a cult). First of all, the family is wearing the same colour. I never wore the same colour as my sibling (even if the alternative was baby crap yellow/brown or pus pink). There's no individuality in their choices and I conclude they're part of a cult of backwards-housecoat wearers who go to blanket burnings in a wooded compound -- just watch the end of the commercial -- it's all laid out for you.

The Sham Wow is one informercial that causes heated discussions at parties. Does it work? Does it not work? And here's what I think: You won't know unless you buy it from the strange man in the headset. Once it arrives in six to eight weeks, it will only work if you truly believe in its power. If your Sham Wow just lays there and sucks up nothing (instead it just plain sucks), clapping your hands like it's Tinkerbell won't bring it to life (unless you truly, truly believe...).

Another thing about the Sham Wow commercial is something the guy generalizes about that makes me wonder if I should be offended or not: "It was made in Germany. You know the Germans always make good stuff." And why I'm going off to hell is because the first German-made "stuff" I thought of was a concentration camp (now I'm generalizing). He probably (hopefully) means beer or Volkswagens (more generalizing). I don't know if I should be offended that he lumped in a whole nationality or just to let it go.

Then again, I'm not a fat person and I'm still offended by the prick in the Bowflex commercial. You know the guy -- he looks like Duckie from Pretty in Pink, except now that he's on Two and A Half Men. Everytime I hear the non-word "Bowflex" I think of this prick: "I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends."

Wow, you call your friends fat? How many fat friends do you have now? What's that? None? Big surprise. Prick.

Fat people don't want to be told they're fat by some musclehead -- they know, they're not stupid like Bowflex pricks.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with these people or how they get on TV, but what the hell is wrong with us, the general public? We're buying this garbage. We're twittering, facebooking, and Youtubing our love (or hate) for these products.

If you bought that Bowflex in an installment plan and don't use it enough to make the cost worth it, buyer beware or be aware of yourself and your loose wallet. If you bought the Snuggie and love the hell out of it, so much that you wear it to work or make love to your spouse in it, good for you: you've just given the infomercial folks an easy target for their next cheaply produced advertisement.

-Girl on the Corner, hiding blankets in her attic from the SS (Snuggie Supporters)