Santa strikes back!

(So about two months ago, I wrote a letter to Santy Claus. You see, I'm having somewhat of a quarter-life crisis, trying to figure out where I belong and what I should be doing in this wide, weird world. Since I already know what everybody else expects of me, I decided to seek unbiased advice from the jolliest of advisors: Santy Claus. Today, he wrote back.)

My dear little friend Girl on the Corner,

Well, I just turned on my computer a few minutes ago, and lo and behold, there was your email! It's so nice to hear from you.

Are you looking forward to Christmas? We certainly are. It's the most magical time of the year. We're all very busy you know-Mrs. Claus, the elves, the reindeer and, of course, Santa himself. Ho! Ho! Ho! Everyone's working together to make sure this is the best Christmas ever for boys and girls all over the world.

We had our annual Christmas concert a few days ago. The Elf-Time Singers sang all my favourite holiday songs, including "Santa Claus is Coming to Town." The North Pole Prancers treated us to some great dancing as they sailed across the stage, up into the sky and then back down again in a flurry of fur and antlers. Guess what everyone had for a treat at intermission? Snow cones!

Well, dear little friend, thanks again for your email. I'm always so pleased to find messages like yours in my inbox. Please remember to email next year!

Love,
Santa

(So I think Santy called me a ho. Three times. I also think he didn't actually read my letter, and may be one of those selfish bastards who only yammer on about themselves. You fat Kringle bastard. Okay, I take that back. I still love Santy. But I think I know what I have to do now.)

-Girl on the Corner (is going to consume a snow cone)