Conscience got your tongue?

There are some subjects I’m just not allowed to write about because of who I am and where I come from. I make judgments from the hip and then awkwardly backtrack when I realize how ridiculous I sound. So it goes without saying there are just some topics I shouldn’t express opinions about.

I would love to pose solutions to fat people and rant about the inanities of dieting. But I’m not fat, I don’t diet, so I’d be a big fat hypocrite. I like to think I know about eating right and staying trim, but honestly, it’s just that I’ve managed to stay one step ahead of genetics and my metabolism. I don’t have big bones or put on festive weight. I don’t fear bikini season or skinny jeans. I’ll just keep my big mouth shut.

I’m also not allowed to tell poor people what to do. I’d really like to though. There’s nothing I like more than a Cinderella story where the underdog gets all the success and riches they rightly deserve. But that’s one of those perfect world scenarios. Most poor people don’t really fit into that formula, not with phrases like “economic strain,” “market recession,” and “financially challenged.” I can’t tell poor people what to do when I don’t know what any of those mean.

And I certainly can’t talk politics ‘cause I don’t know anything about politics. All I know is that I dislike Stephen Harper and his beady, little rat eyes. Never trust a man with beady rat eyes. Now some may say that crazy folk show too much eyeball, but I say those “crazy” people’s motives are far more transparent than the beady-eyed folk’s. I know the runaway bride is gonna plead insanity and that the cursing homeless dude is gonna spit at me, but I have no idea what Harper’s up to.

I would truly love to wank about society’s ills, but I can’t because I’ve got it pretty good already. Other people are closer to and more familiar with these ills than I am and so I’ll leave the arguments up to them.

I’ll just hold my tongue for now.

- Girl on the Corner (holding her tongue ever so gently)