I have nothing to say

I've never written for a blog before. I've read them though, so I feel like I'm an expert on what is and what isn't a blogworthy subject. All the same, I have spent the last two weeks trying to decide what to write. I've come up with hundreds of ideas (well, tens of ideas, but that doesn't have the same ring to it). And all I've ended up with is a list of subjects that I think are unblogworthy. Subjects that nobody in their right mind would ever want to read about. Naturally, I've made a list of some of the subjects I won't be blogging about.

1. Recipes.
My aunt's brother-in-law's wife's great-grandmother once made some peanut butter cookies that my uncle's father's friend Tom really, really liked. I know you're all thinking that you must have this recipe. I mean, Tom really loved these cookies and so it's pretty much guaranteed that these are the best peanut butter cookies that you'll ever taste. Seriously? Is there anyone out there who needs this recipe? Doesn’t everybody already have a peanut butter cookie recipe, and is anyone really thinking, “I’ve always loved my own peanut butter cookie recipe, but Tom has never raved about my cookies. Maybe I better try this random blogger’s aunt’s brother-in-law’s wife’s great grandmother’s recipe that random blogger’s uncle’s father’s friend Tom really liked?” Don’t worry I won’t be blogging about recipes.

2. My fifth birthday party.
I wore a yellow dress with a green satin ribbon belt. I don’t actually remember, but I’ve seen pictures. Ironically I seem to be pretty happy, despite the fact that my mom went and got all my hair cut off so that the only way you can actually tell that it’s a girl in the picture is the yellow dress with the green satin ribbon belt.

3. Mustaches.
Mustaches don’t really lend themselves to good blogging fodder. Besides listing off different kinds of mustaches, what else is there to write about them. Sure I could tell you about how you can tell what kind of man someone is by how he dresses his upper lip, but that could just become a bitter diatribe about stupid people I’ve met in my lifetime and who really wants to hear that. Mustaches are not something I’ll be blogging about.

4. Work.
I have some great work stories. And great work gossip that very few people know. I could go on and on about things I’ve heard about certain disliked people in the office, but…alas…blogging about work is off limits. Shoot. I really wanted to share.

5. Music.
If you google “music blogs,” you will get over 71 million hits. I’m guessing (because the first sentence took all of my research skills) that most of these blogs speak somewhat intelligently about the subject of music. I do not. I am not at all sophisticated in the way of music. I can’t discuss the riff in the fifth stanza; I do not know the difference between a violin and a viola (besides the obvious fact that one of them has more letters than the other). I don’t know everything there is to know about any genre of music; I don’t even know the names of most of the bands that play songs on my current radio station. I do know all the lyrics to the songs on the RENT soundtrack. I can sing and play drums with all the songs in RockBand (I can’t play the guitar, though; it hurts my thumb). All I’m trying to say is that I won’t be blogging about music.

That’s why I don’t blog. I have nothing to say. I’ll keep thinking though; you’ll be the first to know as soon as I think of something blogworthy. Promise.