Summer

Next month will be my two year anniversary of being in Canada, and I still can't get used to the summers here. I come from the land of hot and humid for nine months out of the year. Just to give you an idea, the area is the same subtropical latitude as Egypt's Sinai Peninsula and southern Iraq.

Now that you have that geographical comparison in mind, I'll proceed to describe the summers. Just wait and let me finish before you say "I'd give my right arm to have that weather!" because you might change your mind by the time I'm finished.

By the time late February rolls around, all the plants start to come to life. When you start to see little patches of green, you know to brace yourself for the excruciating summer that's to come. By mid March you're already in shorts and a t-shirt and you're planning a weekend to the beach to lay out. When Easter arrives, most of the flowers have bloomed and you've already had your first sun burn for the year. A little bit after Easter, the air conditioners buzz making the electric bill a stupid amount. In July, you're sweating buckets. Then the hell month (August) arrives and it really does feel like being in hell.

After it rains, you can see the steam come off the roads. It's not a little bit of steam. I mean, it's enough to make the whole area foggy. For those who are brave enough to venture out, you don't wear jeans when doing so. As soon as you open the door, the humidity hits you like a wall of bricks and sometimes you even lose your breath and have to gasp! Your hair immediately frizzes, and if you're wearing any hairspray it melts. There's no hairspray on this earth that can withstand the humidity. Your clothes feel damp almost as if you've just thrown them in the dryer but didn't let them dry completely. Your breathing gets heavier and every stitch of clothing on you feels so much heavier as well. You might think "that's probably only during the day." Nope. My dear friend, it happens day OR night.

Usually starting in early July we'll begin water conservation for the outdoors (or what I call water rationing). You'd think a breeze would be a welcome relief in the day, but it's not. In over 100 degree weather, the breeze will feel like a hot hair dryer blowing on you but it's blowing hot humid air.

There's no point in having leather seats in your car down South. Your car's interior seems to melt. You can't touch your steering wheel (even with the windows cracked!) and you can't sit down or your ass will burn. When you get to the car, you roll down all windows and turn the a/c up full blast. If you're unfortunate to have leather seats, you use a towel or something in an attempt to protect the area that your ass will grace for the commute to and from work.

Hell month is our hottest month. Imagine temperatures that will rise above 100F (40C) with 90% humidity and there will be no rain for weeks. You'll be rationing water STILL, you have to cake the wax on your car to protect the paint, and not to mention this is when the hurricanes start rolling in. There will be a few that'll hit but September is the worst month for hurricanes. There have been times when hurricanes have traveled up the Savannah River and spawned tornadoes in my area. But for the most part, we get the remnants of the storm and that's when we make up for all the rain we have missed all summer.

Canadians take full advantage of the summer and they are out every day and all day doing something outside. For us, when it gets hot you stay inside until it's somewhat bearable.

I don't miss the summers back home, but I do miss hearing the crickets, tree frogs, and June bugs at night. It was like a little insect symphony playing a private concert for my sole enjoyment. It was my lullaby that put me to sleep. When we had our a/c on, I bought a little alarm clock/radio/sound machine that had the insect symphony on it so I could fall asleep even though the windows were closed. All I hear now is the sound of traffic from the highway and sirens.

On summer nights there's a little bit of relief, but you still have to contend with temperatures that would maybe sink to 92F (33C) at around 10pm. You would sit on your front porch in your rocking chair with a glass of iced sweet tea and listen to the bugs singing. Occasionally you'll hear bull frogs calling for ladies. Even on those cool nights you're still sweating. You might not sweat as much, but it's still yucky.

So, when I hear Canadians say "it's gonna be a scorcher," giving advice on how to prevent heat stroke, or say it's hot when it reaches 86F (30C), I laugh. Are you still willing to give your right arm for that weather?