Housekeeping

Here are a few things that piss me off as we go into May (and the rest of summer):

• Motorcycle noise and the ensuing complaints about it. Yes, the motorcyclists are loud jackasses with no respect for your nervous puppy, colicky newborn or near-death grandma. (They probably drive Saturns and sport khakis throughout the rest of the year.) But every year -- EVERY YEAR -- the complaints begin escalating from the tame ("Gosh, those motorcycles are too loud") to mild ("Buddy needs to lose the muffler. Seriously!") to spicy ("I am going to take that jerk-face's Hog and ride it up his ass!"). The complaints turn to angry letters to the local newspapers and eventually death threats toward these weekend Hell's Angels, until Joe Blow is going to whip out his station wagon and take one of them down. For the most part, the bikes are loud so your dumb, minivan-drivin' ass hears them while they're cruising in the lane next to you before you fatally cut them off in traffic.
  

• Swine flu. This is a public health announcement: This little piggy went to Mexico. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy got swine flu. This little piggy got scared. And THIS little piggy went wee wee wee all the way to quarantine. We can't stop idiots from charging Speedo first into Mexico, but please just wash your hands before, during and after everything you touch. At home and away.

Thank you. That is all.
-Girl on the Corner (using a flu mask for a helmet)